UP?....OR .... DOWN?

Some years ago, on a visit to the South of France, I was horrified to find a hole in the ground where I had expected to see a gleaming, white toilet bowl. Not long afterwards, this time in Spain, I once again found myself transported to the middle ages (and to my early years in North Africa) when the hole-in-the-ground fixture stared at me from the bowels of the earth. Needless to say, I restrained myself on both occasions and waited until I was back at the hotel - not out of prudishness, I might add, but because of a bad back!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet
Modern toilets, the kind you sit on, are not as modern as we mught think - circa 2800 BC- though their use was restricted to the affluent classes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_toilet#History
It was not until the middle of the 19th century that they became common in Europe. I suppose that is when the Great Debate began!

SO, women want it down, so they can sit on a clean, dry seat, whereas men prefer it up so they can aim directly into the bowl. Here's a part of a lovely poem I came across on the www. It clearly, and poetically, illustrates the"loving" consideration that women expect from men.

But of all the signs depicting love,
there are few that can compete
with the man-of-the-house remembering to
put down the toilet seat!
http://www.theplumber.com/wclid.html

I won't argue with THAT!

HOWEVER ... It would appear that the OTHER alternative, leaving both the seat AND the cover down are not acceptable either by the more-and-more-demanding female population. Apparently, when women want to pee, they wait until the very last minute and then rush into the smallest room in the house (and God help us if it's occupied!) like a bull in a china shop. Then, with their back to the toilet bowl, they spectacularly carry out three actions simultaneously. They pull up their skirt (with jeans, of course, things get a bit more complicated), they pull down their nickers, and they let themselves plop down onto ....... the lid, where all their accumulated-under-pressure liquid reserves are released! UGHH!

WELL, I ASK YOU!

I love women and would never dream of offending a single one of them. I hope they'll take all this with the same dose of fun and good humour I felt when writing it, and then reflect on my conclusion.

FLUSHING the toilet, may seem to have nothing to do with this "battle-of-the-sexes" debate. But in fact, it has everything to do with it. I take it we all agree that whether you've been "weeing" or "pooing", flushing the toilet is a "follow-up" must. Did you know that when a toilet is flushed, it sprays droplets of its contents into the surrounding air? Millions of parasites floating freely and happily in your bathroom, eagerly clinging to the tiles, to the mirror, to your bath curtain, to your toothbrush even! Cryptosporidium & friends are absolutely thrilled when you fail to put the lid down before flushing your toilet! Read about Dr. Charles Serba's work at
http://www.nytimes.com/1999/02/23/health/scientist-at-work-charles-gerba-on-germ-patrol-at-the-kitchen-sink.html?sec=health. I'm sure you'll end up convinced

SO, LADIES, LET'S DO A DEAL. We will be delighted to put the seat, and the lid, down before flushing the toilet, and leave them down, with no strings attached. Perhaps you might just like to think about planning your visits to the loo just a little better and, just like in any self-respecting airport, get there in plenty of time. BY JOVE, I DO LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!