UP?....OR .... DOWN?

Some years ago, on a visit to the South of France, I was horrified to find a hole in the ground where I had expected to see a gleaming, white toilet bowl. Not long afterwards, this time in Spain, I once again found myself transported to the middle ages (and to my early years in North Africa) when the hole-in-the-ground fixture stared at me from the bowels of the earth. Needless to say, I restrained myself on both occasions and waited until I was back at the hotel - not out of prudishness, I might add, but because of a bad back!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squat_toilet
Modern toilets, the kind you sit on, are not as modern as we mught think - circa 2800 BC- though their use was restricted to the affluent classes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_the_toilet#History
It was not until the middle of the 19th century that they became common in Europe. I suppose that is when the Great Debate began!

SO, women want it down, so they can sit on a clean, dry seat, whereas men prefer it up so they can aim directly into the bowl. Here's a part of a lovely poem I came across on the www. It clearly, and poetically, illustrates the"loving" consideration that women expect from men.

But of all the signs depicting love,
there are few that can compete
with the man-of-the-house remembering to
put down the toilet seat!
http://www.theplumber.com/wclid.html

I won't argue with THAT!

HOWEVER ... It would appear that the OTHER alternative, leaving both the seat AND the cover down are not acceptable either by the more-and-more-demanding female population. Apparently, when women want to pee, they wait until the very last minute and then rush into the smallest room in the house (and God help us if it's occupied!) like a bull in a china shop. Then, with their back to the toilet bowl, they spectacularly carry out three actions simultaneously. They pull up their skirt (with jeans, of course, things get a bit more complicated), they pull down their nickers, and they let themselves plop down onto ....... the lid, where all their accumulated-under-pressure liquid reserves are released! UGHH!

WELL, I ASK YOU!

I love women and would never dream of offending a single one of them. I hope they'll take all this with the same dose of fun and good humour I felt when writing it, and then reflect on my conclusion.

FLUSHING the toilet, may seem to have nothing to do with this "battle-of-the-sexes" debate. But in fact, it has everything to do with it. I take it we all agree that whether you've been "weeing" or "pooing", flushing the toilet is a "follow-up" must. Did you know that when a toilet is flushed, it sprays droplets of its contents into the surrounding air? Millions of parasites floating freely and happily in your bathroom, eagerly clinging to the tiles, to the mirror, to your bath curtain, to your toothbrush even! Cryptosporidium & friends are absolutely thrilled when you fail to put the lid down before flushing your toilet! Read about Dr. Charles Serba's work at
http://www.nytimes.com/1999/02/23/health/scientist-at-work-charles-gerba-on-germ-patrol-at-the-kitchen-sink.html?sec=health. I'm sure you'll end up convinced

SO, LADIES, LET'S DO A DEAL. We will be delighted to put the seat, and the lid, down before flushing the toilet, and leave them down, with no strings attached. Perhaps you might just like to think about planning your visits to the loo just a little better and, just like in any self-respecting airport, get there in plenty of time. BY JOVE, I DO LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

SPRING IS HERE

Well, nearly here! Only a couple of weeks left.

But the birds don't know that... they're out there in force singing away to their heart's content.... and ours (many of them have already returned from their winter migration).

And the flowers don't know that. They've forced their way through to emerge as beautiful as ever and splash the bare landscape with their gorgeous colours.

And in the park I saw two snow white swans gliding gracefully across the mirror surface of the lake, obviously courting. Isn't life wonderful!

Yes, I know there's misery everywhere, and people are fighting and killing each other all over the world, and men and women are tortured and kids are exploited and animals are treated badly and made to suffer. This world is full of injustice, but it does have its positive side, or at least I like to think it does.

Otherwise, what would be the point of trying to do good. Oh, yes, thousands of people are out there doing good. Volunteers, medical people, missionaries, teachers. I even venture to suggest that some, not many though, politicians are trying to do good. Ordinary people, such as yourself, or humble me; in our ordinary lives and within our ordinary families and communities, surely we're all trying to do good. And that is beautiful. There's beauty everywhere, if only we stopped and looked and learnt to appreciate it. Gilbert and Sullivan expressed it so poetically in "The Mikado" when Katisha begins her song:

There is beauty in the bellow of the blast,

There is grandeur in the growling of the gale,

There is eloquent outpouring

when the lion is a-roaring,

and the tiger is a-lashing of his tail!

Gosh! That brings back memories, of school days, and operettas, and Nanki-Poo, and Jaqueline. Sweet Jaqueline. I wonder what's become of her and her sensational voice.

Youtube has a large selection of performances, including one with Groucho Marx! The first line is the title of the song. Do listen to it, it's really good. As for the words, you can get them at:

http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/mikado/webopera/mk212.html

I raise my glass to beauty.... in spite of all the horrors that surround us. For beauty is love..... and love is beauty.

.

FEBRUARY

Nice month, February. What with Carnaval (great fun) and St. Valentine's day (Love, love, love) there will be plenty to do.... I hope. Furthermore, it's a short month - only 28 days before we get paid again!

So, to all of you out there, I wish a very happy month. May the joyful celebrations of Mardis Gras bring unprecedented cheer into your life and may Cupid's arrows find their way to your heart.

APOLOGIES & XMAS

My most sincere apologies for the time elapsed between my last posting and this one. This academic course is proving much busier than originally expected and I really am very short of free time. I hope to remedy this next term.

Anyway, Christmas is just around the corner and, although we're all feeling the consequences of the financial crisis, the shops seem full and people appear to be spending a fair amount of time and money. To be honest though, the discount shops seem busier than ever; I wonder whether quality this year will be sacrificed in favour of quantity.

A couple of my groups are busy rehearsing their Xmas songs for the forthcoming Christmas Carol Concert. This will take place on Thursday the 18th at around 3.30 pm. If we manage to film it I'll post some clips and a few pictures.

IF YOU'RE THINKING OF DRINKING.... THINK ALSO ABOUT NOT DRIVING :-)

NEW BLOG FOR BEGINNERS

Today, I published my first session for absolute beginners whose native language is Spanish. Those interested can go to; http://lasclasesdejoe.blogspot.com/

I hope you'll find it useful. Don't forget to send your comments.

FINANCIAL CRISIS

"Laugh and the whole world laughs with you," - says the song. - "Cry and you cry alone!"
So there's a new financial crisis. I don't know about you, but I think I've had enough bad news this year, so I'm all for a good laugh. I hope you'll join me. Here are the views of two famous comedians on the on- going financial crisis (with Spanish subtitles for my Catalan and Spanish students).

WELCOME BACK TO THE NEW ACADEMIC COURSE

Well, summer came and whispered sweet things in my ear,
as it flew south across the border.
But now that autumn's chill begins and winter's near
I start to feel a little colder ...
and a little older!

Welcome back. I hope you've all had an enjoyable summer holiday (those of you who live in the northern hemisphere, that is!). Summer went by all too fast for me - which explains my little poem above - and I do feel a little colder; must be old age creeping up on me. Anyway, I managed to write a couple of stories and compose a couple of songs, one of which is my previous posting.

So, glad to have you all back and I hope you'll continue to enjoy popping in from time to time. Do post a comment now and then.

Joe.

IN A PERFECT WORLD

I started to write this song back in May. I was hoping we could include it in our End-of-Course Peace Concert (June). However, I didn't finish it in time, so we never got round to playing it. (In fact, I never even mentioned it to the others!)

Anyway, when I did finish it, I thought I'd try and do something useful with it. So, I created the accompanying video. The quality is not exactly "PERFECT", probably due to the conversion of files to an acceptable format, but it does reflect the kind of world we live in. In any case, I'm working on it. Maybe by the time I improve it enough the world WILL be a better place!

You can also access it directly at youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBC3LSre10Y

I hope you like it.

HELLO AGAIN & THANKS

Another week has gone by. We're now one week closer to August and to the month's holiday that's waiting to be enjoyed. I don't know about you, but I NEED A REST. I'm not sure yet about what I'll do or how I'll spend my holidays, but I do know that I'm going to rest,REST, REST!

This has definitely been one of the most exhausting academic years I can remember, though I must confess it has also been one of the most rewarding. Working on this blog, and on the others, has really been fulfilling. It has been especially satisfying to see the number of visits increase week by week, with visitors coming from as far away as Mexico, the States or India (you can check out the statistics yourselves by clicking on the small graph at the bottom left hand corner of the page) Thank you all; you really make it worth while. Do post a comment, however; you're thoughts will be greatly appreciated.

I thought the following song would be especially appropriate. Cliff Richard singing about a Summer Holiday in the film "The Young Ones". Lyrics below the video. Enjoy.


LYRICS - Summer Holiday by Tony Temple/Dell Clyde - Sung by CLIFF RICHARD

We're all going on a summer holiday. / No more working for a week or two. / Fun and laughter on a summer holiday. / No more worries for me or you. / For a week or two.
Were going where the sun shines brightly. / Were going where the sea is blue. / We've seen it in the movies. / Now let's see if its true.
Everybody has a summer holiday, / Doing things they always wanted to.
So we're going on a summer holiday, / To make our dreams come true, / For me and you.

END-OF-COURSE CONCERT

WHAT BAD LUCK! The evening chosen for the concert turned out to be the evening of the BIG MATCH.

Spain was playing against Russia for a place in the finals of the European Footbal Cup at the precise time that our concert was starting. There was no way we could change the dates, so we played to a reduced audience - to which, of course, we shall be eternally grateful!

I hope you like the pics (click on them to enlarge). I'll post the video just as soon as it's ready.

SPECIAL REQUEST .... & USED TO

This one's for you, Marta. I know it's one of your favourite songs, and it does bring back cherished memories of those days, long gone by, when we all thought we could change the world. Thursday night's End-of-Course concert was, in a sense, a tribute to all those young, and not so young, students, workers, thinkers and idealists, who joined forces in 1968 in what has probably been the largest ever world-wide demonstration in favour of peace, equal rights, social dignity and an end to war, exploitation and the rest of this world's injustices. We're so much older now, but.....are we really any wiser! I really think we could do with a repetition.

As far as "USED TO" is concerned, and for the benefit of my Students of English, I thought the song was a good way of illustrating that "used to" , followed by an infinitive is equivalent to "usually" in the past. Let's look at a couple of examples:
Present - I usually start work at 8 am. (A habit in the present)
Past- I used to start school at 9.15 am when I was young. (A habit in the past)
In the song, Mary Hopkin sings about the place "where we used to raise a glass or two".

What a lot of students don't know, however, is that we can use "Would" with the same result:

Present - My grandparents usually visit us every Saturday evening. (A habit in the present)
Past - My grandparents would visit us every Saturday evening. (A habit in the past)
In the song, Mary Hopkin sings "We'd sing and dance....We'd live the life.... We'd fight and never lose..."

Here's the full video from youtube. (I wonder how many of you knew it's based on an original Russian folk song!). Lyrics on the left and in the video itself. Enjoy.